“She was literally begging for her son to behave, while this little rascal was behaving like a ruthless, hardly bothered brat.” My friend had a surprise in her eyes while sharing this little child horror story to me. She was talking about a family of a colleague she had invited for dinner. The couple had a 5-6 year old son. My friend recounted the series of events where the mother was asking him to not run with the custard bowl in her hand. Surprisingly the mother asked a few times but gave up saying he wouldn’t budge. My friend told me how she almost had her heart in her mouth because one, the bowl was from her favourite crockery set and two she had recently got a new carpet.
She described further that,” at that very moment her husband came in the room with my husband after a smoke on the roof and I was happy that now my crockery would be safe and this little brat would get a lesson in manners. The dad seeing my forced smile asked the boy to keep the bowl down and play with something else but the boy replied an immediate NO and kept going. The father gave another try by negotiating and asking him if he would like to play with his phone instead, but this bowl surely had the boy’s imagination and soon enough both the parents gave up telling my friend about the stubbornness of the child and how it is almost impossible to not give in to his demands if they want some peace in the house.
It’s just one of the incidents and it is definitely not something we have not seen. We all have come across children and parents who have this power equation at home totally wrong. Some parents are so happy that the child exists that they don’t want anything beyond it. They do not define the boundaries or say ‘No’. Some go every extra mile to get what kids want because their twisted philosophy says that ‘I am going to provide everything to my child, that I couldn’t get’. While every parent wishes and tries for this but when this slogan becomes the anthem of your parenting practice, then it affects everything, including your child’s self esteem and ability to deal with criticism later in life. Somebody has rightly said that
“Nothing is of greater value to a child than a parent who cares enough to set limits”
So what exactly to do to make sure that your children are not turned into self obsessed brats and at the same time appreciate what you do. Here are some great tips to make those little rascals appreciate you a little more and also that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
Let Them Handle Disappointments:
Disappointments are for real and they are in for everybody. You cannot possibly take all the disappointments away from the child and should not even try to do so because then you are causing more harm than good. If they are disappointed that they would not be able to go to a birthday party because of the home work or they can’t go to the football training because of some urgent piece of work that parents have to attend to. Then let it be. It’s very easy to get caught up in the situation but try to avoid that trap. Explain why he could not go and then leave the topic, without getting into the explanations to justifying the situation too much.
Stop Giving Alternates Or Substitutes:
When your child is not having dinner you offer to cook something else. If he has broken or lost a toy and is crying his heart out, do not offer to buy another one just so you don’t have to deal with the drama. Stop providing substitutes and negotiations to make him appreciate what he can or cannot expect.
Set Expectations And Always Follow Through The Threat:
There is a reason, law was ever written or enforced in every country and it is the same reason you should have a similar framework at home. Not necessarily a very strict or elaborate one but few things should be completely non acceptable and the punishment should be known before handed. For instance if the child throws a tantrum or answers back then he doesn’t get to watch his favourite cartoon for two days. It could be anything that would work in your situation but it should and must be followed. Empty threats equals to bad parenting.
Stop Providing More Than You Can Afford:
Every parent want to give their child everything they couldn’t have and as mentioned above this emotion and practice can sometimes backfire because the child might develop a wrong sense of entitlement to things and might start believing that it’s your duty as parents to provide him the best of everything because you’ve been doing that all your life. He might start to see himself as more worthy of things than anybody else. Break the habit. If you can’t afford a smart phone for yourself, then there is no reason your child should have one.
Teach Them The Value Of Work:
Stop treating your child as the baby of the house who should be provided everything when he demands even if it is a glass of water. When your child is big enough to reach or get water, spoon, fork, pencil and other such things for himself, let him get these himself, Always!
Stop Glorifying His Bad Behaviour To Your Friends and Family:
I have seen it umpteen times when parents talk about a certain something that a child has done or said to somebody and how bad but how hilarious it was. I have seen parents laughing about the incidents where the child had hit somebody or how he threw things in the toilet or how he makes this cute mess. Trust me no matter how young your child is, but by the sound of his name or your voice he knows that you are talking about him. God forbid if you find some of these things funny, the chances are you are going to see some more of these. Because who doesn’t like attention and repeated one at that. Stop glorifying!
It is write in saying that “A child who gets everything is never going to get gratitude,” also. “A child who never waits is never going to learn patience.” Providing everything that we can to the child is not the best parenting and cannot be. Teaching them to appreciate what they have and how they can work to get what they want are crucial to turn those little men and women into sensitive adults.
